No name for this post – sorry!

If you are my friend on Facebook, you know that yesterday (Sunday) morning, while I was all cozy in my house and the rain was all catting and dogging….I was not able to enjoy a nice cup (okay, pot) of coffee.  I didn’t even have the crap coffee that sits in the back of the cabinet that you use when you’re in a bind. So, I decided that I would go to Kroger at lunch today and get the coffee I so desperately need.

Observations during my trip to Kroger at lunch today:
1.  I am still afraid that the cigarette flicked out the window in front of me is somehow going to hit underneath my car in some exact way that will blow my car up.  Has this every happened?  Probably not.  Would it happen to ME?  Probably so.  I’m lucky like that.

2.  If inanimate objects could have puppy dog eyes, it would be those dang Double Stufft Oreos.  I feel like the things were practically begging to be taken home. As I passed them by, I felt sorry for them.  I knew they wanted to go with me.  Then, on the second pass by, they became agitated – almost yelling at me to take them home with me.  I didn’t take them home with me, and sort of feel bad about it.  You know, because it’s their birthday and all.

3.  Going in without a written list is not for me.  Went in with one thing on the mental list – coffee.  Came out with grapes, granola bars and face soap.  No coffee.

4.  If I owned a place that sold fingernail polish, I would pay someone to go by and shake up all the skanky looking polish on a regular basis.  You know which ones I’m talking about – the ones that have separated and look like the oil and water science experiment from Mr. Wizard.

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Crazy or Conscientious?

Yeah, yeah.  I know, I said I wasn’t going to talk about my dogchild too much on my blog.  I’m sorry, but how can I deny this face some attention on the internets?  Poor Sophie, there’s a possibility that her mama’s slightly insane.  I’m either very conscientious of her safety or this dog has made me crazy.  I prefer the first.  However, you are free to make your own decision based on the following examples.

Point in Case #1:  Sophie stays in the kitchen during the day while I’m at work.  I won’t use my crockpot during the week because I’m scared that it will burn my house down while Sophie’s in the kitchen.  So, if I’m crocking something….I load it up and take it to work and plug it up there.  Now, not once in my life have I ever heard of a crockpot burning someone’s house down.  But, I’m not taking any chances since Dogchild is inside.  Before I had her, I would set it and forget it without ever thinking that it might burn the joint down.

Point in Case #2:  Say I’ve got Sophie in the car with me and I stop to pick up some takeout or run in the gas station for a losing scratch off.  Normal people crack the window.  Well, I remove my clicker from the key ring so I can keep the car running, and lock the door while I go inside.  Want to know why?  Because all I can think is that if I have the windows cracked, somebody could just use a coat hanger and unlock the door and steal my dog.  You know, because people do that.

Lord help me when I have a real child….

Dance Class (AKA Jazzercise)

I am in physical pain.  Here’s the deal.  I have been going to Jazzercise, which I insist on calling “Dance Class” because it sounds cooler, for about a year.¹  You’d think that I would be used to it.  I’m not.  Here’s what happened:

A girl I went to college with is one of the instructors, except she usually teaches the 4 PM class.  I take the 5 PM class.  Um, apparently they have done some switching around and now College Friend is teaching some of the 5 PM classes.  Well, obviously now I can’t take my little “breaks” for water or the bathroom or to retie my shoe, etc…when I’m tired.  Because College Friend has had two babies and doesn’t have to stop for fake shin splints or anything!  And yesterday, she kicked my boo-tay.  So, clearly, I’ve not been giving it my 100% best effort the past year – I mean, after yesterday, I’m thinking I’ve only been doing about 75%. Who knew!?!  College Friend is probably the best instructor there is.  But, I did find myself saying a thank you prayer whenever we would start doing something that made us all (including College Friend) face the wall.  I went ahead and took those opportunities to either not do the moves or half-ass them. I just had to.  I was scared we were going to have to call in an EMT if I didn’t.

I absolutely love having an accountability partner who doesn’t know she’s my accountability partner!  I kind of also love that she wore me out.  I took that opportunity to let myself have a little Nyquil cocktail in preparation of the pain I was sure would come.  Love a Nyquil sleep.  Would drink it every night if I could.  Tastes good, too.

And, I’m going back for more today.

**On a side note – high fives to my Northeast Arkansas friends who are doing the early morning boot camps!**

¹ Why don’t I look like I’ve lost any weight in the last year, you ask?  Because I haven’t.  I like wine and I like chips.  Although, now I’m on a mission.  Next time you see me, I WILL have lost some – I’m serious about this Weight Watchers thang.  Thanks to the Dance Class, I’m pretty healthy, I just need to dismiss a few extra Elbeez from this body.

Dance Story

I have daydreams about dancing.  Truth be told, I have daydreams about a lot of stuff, but when I’m in the car and have the radio on, chances are, I am daydreaming about dancing.  And, not just dancing, but being a really GOOD dancer.  Not a professional dancer (i.e ballerina, theatre, exotic…), but just one that doesn’t look like a drunk white girl with spasms and a painful look on her face.

In these daydreams, sometimes I picture myself being able to shake my money maker like famous people.  And, sometimes I just work out my own choreography.  Let me provide some examples:

1.  Katherine Heigl is at the bar on the night she gets all “Knocked Up” (ba-dum-cha….too easy, I know) and she and the baby daddy are dancing to Savage’s “Swing” – her moves are so subtle, yet they look fun and flirty.  Hell, if I had her body though, I bet my moves, horrid as they are on their own, would look like a million bucks.

2.  Beyonce.  This is so cliche, but give me a black leotard and a pair of black FMPs and puh-leeease let me be able to do the “All the Single Ladies” dance.  If Justin Timberlake can do it, there is no excuse for me.

3. Flo-Rida.  When Shawty gets low, low, low, low, low, low, low…..I wish I had some Apple Bottom Jeans (which would never work for me, because as I was told in 10th grade math class with the visual aid of an open math book, I have a flat bootay), maybe not boots with the fur (I am really hot natured) and have the whole club looking at me.  Looking at me because I had cleared the dance floor with my awesomeness, not because I was incorrectly doing the Roger Rabbit.  I chair dance a lot to that song when it comes on the radio (or, maybe I put it on repeat on my IPod).  Then, I realize I am making some distorted pout with my mouth and I try to bring it on back down to reality.

Daydream Emily is so freakin’ cool.  Real Ems can’t even get through jazzercise without nearly needing some oxygen.  Dare to dream, people, dare to dream.