“(All The Single Ladies) x (6) + put your hands up”

Now that song is in your head, can a Single Lady just get a half a loaf of bread??  For the love of everything that gets moldy and ruint, I just want a half a load of bread.¹  Eggs get special treatment, you just half those babies right on up and cut the carton in the middle (literally).  Come on, do it for the bread – don’t discriminate!  There’s just no way that Jennifer Hudson is gonna let me eat that much bread before it goes bad.

Also, can a Single Lady just get a couple of biscuits…maybe one cinnamon roll?  Because let’s be honest, if I pop open a tube of flaky style biscuits or orange cinnamon rolls, they ain’t goin’ bad like the loaf of bread….those babies get added to the collection of junk you will find in my trunk.²  Once upon a time, Pillsbury made some Perfect Portion biscuits.  Two per pack, in the refrigerated section.  Reduced fat, even.  Discontinued. Rude.

¹ I’m certainly not trying to exclude all the single men, I know guys feel the pain also.  Probably not in said loaf of bread, though…because those people can take down the entire loaf with a jar of peanut butter and a Sam’s size bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos in one sitting and not gain an ounce.  And that’s just rude.

² You might also find remnants of Butterzinger ice cream, Cool Ranch Doritos, pizza and vanilla milkshakes.  You know, you can eat that stuff and have an empty bowl, plate or bag in front of you.  But, it is so not gone.  Just look in your trunk….you’ll see it.  And did you know that it takes a lot longer to rid your trunk of all that good stuff than it took to put it there?  Crazy, huh?  Who knew?!?  Probably Richard Simmons.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. jake
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 09:53:47

    coming from a single boy, freeze the whole loaf and take out only what you want to use. stays fresh for weeks..


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